These Words shared by My Parent That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up among men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."